Hoping Open Peaceful Experiences Feel Unlike Loss I like him, but I can’t realistically picture us being a good LTR match. He says he’s open to my terms - open/fuck-buddy situation - but things have quickly become relationship-ish. The problem? I suspect he wants a romantic relationship. We also immediately clicked and became friends. I met a new guy two weeks ago, and the sex is incredible. Now I want to experiment, explore non-monogamy, and have crazy and fulfilling sex with whoever tickles my fancy. Among other things, our sex life was bland and we had infrequent sex at best. It’s been tough - my ex is a great guy, and causing him pain has been a loss on top of my own loss, but I know I did the right thing. I’m a 28-year-old bi-curious female, and I ended a three-year straight LTR a month ago. Anytime anyone - top or bottom - wants to rush into a power-exchange scene, that’s a red flag. “There are people out there who view ‘kink newbies’ as prey. “Be cautious,” said Ruff of Ruff’s Stuff blog. And when hooking up online, never use Craigslist.” If you go to his or her place, always tell a trusted friend where you are going. Never get tied up in your own home by someone you don’t know. Don’t forget the motto ‘safe, sane, and consensual,’ and be sure to have a safe word! And if you do want to explore bondage, take precautions. “It’s a site where you can create a profile, window-shop for a play buddy, and ‘check his references.’ Even better, if you can, go to a public event like IML, MAL, or CLAW, or to a play party like the New York Bondage Club, where you can participate in a monitored space with other people around, or just watch the action. “ is a great option for gay men,” said Metal from the gay male bondage website. And YouTube has a channel for everyone in the kink spectrum from gay to straight to trans to nonbinary and beyond!” If you’re a tad shy and work better online, these contingents have Facebook groups or FetLife pages you can join. It provided an easy way into the community, and it helped me meet new people, make new friends, and find trustworthy play partners. “When I was first getting started, I found a local leather contingent that held monthly bar nights and discussion groups that taught classes for kinksters at any level. “The leather scene is a diverse place with tons of outlets and avenues, depending on how you navigate your life and learn,” said Amp from Watts the Safeword ( ), a kink and sex-ed website and YouTube channel. But you don’t have to take my word for it… Because if you aren’t showing up in kink spaces - online or IRL - your fellow kinksters won’t be able to find or bind you.
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The adage applies to romantic/sexual success as well as professional success, SACK, but showing up easily accounts for 90 percent of success in the BDSM/leather/fetish scene.
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“Eighty percent of success is just showing up,” someone or other once said. How does one get into the gay BDSM bottoming and leather scene?